Poetic rambles and prosaic quests sketch out this woman's work as she explores life, love and longing, endlessly wondering through literature, music and more..
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Monday, 17 May 2021
Scarlet and Teal
Thursday, 22 April 2021
Review: Harry Potter Book 1 - The Philosopher's Stone
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. RowlingMy rating: 5 of 5 stars
Glad I resisted reading the HP books when they came out and have just read the first 3 for the first time with my 7 year old. We loved them all. Great stories, well written, likeable characters (obvs).
This opening book sets the scene well for more adventures to come but also stands well on its own. The story telling is compelling and the plot is well thought out with a continuous stream of interesting situations for young Harry + his new friends to deal with. The magical v muggle world detail is impeccably thought out, described and tantalisingly believable culminating in the extraordinary game of Quidditch. A joy to read at 7 or 48 years of age!
Tuesday, 20 April 2021
god is a shout
My latest poetry reading on Soundcloud is called 'god is a shout'. I was inspired to write it by one of the great #IthacaPrompts offered back in Mar2021 by @Writing.By.SA on Instagram. The poetry community on Insta are a super inspiring + talented bunch. Do check them out if you haven't already.
This piece is a visceral documentation of a day in the life of a creative parent, body bound to the home by low mobility, mind escaping to the stars via the alchemy of ink + paper. Hope you enjoy the words below + the reading here x
Monday, 19 April 2021
I woke in dreamtime
Another poetry recording, this time of a micropoem written in 2019. To create the out-of-this-world, dreamy experience the poem needed, I channeled a mix of Luna Lovegood + Professor Trelawney (both Harry Potter Characters - The Pixie + I have recently finished reading the first 3 books together and she watches the first 3 films on repeat whenever she can. I've just binge watched the remaining 5 films in my generous parental duty to check if films 4-8 are suitable for a seven year old to watch - they are most definitely not suitable but are very good for a 48 year old!).
'I woke in dreamtime' can be found here.
Saturday, 17 April 2021
Easter Monday Audio
Here's another recording just posted on Soundcloud of my poem Easter Monday. This one called for a quiet background, unlike the others I've recorded with my own music (perhaps 'audible experience' would be a better description) tucked underneath the words. Would love to know what you think of any of these offerings - words, images, sounds - so do send me a tweet @racheblue with any feedback you may have. Thanks x
Friday, 16 April 2021
Spoken Word Poems
Hello there,
I've not been here much lately due to general busyness. As well as practicing my songwriting and getting to grips with basic recording (a tricky business particularly when I don't really play a musical instrument, just tinkle about with a few learnt way back in school-days), I've been transforming my written work into visual and audible content to complement the words and give them a fresh lease of life. It's all a bit hotch-potch at times as I'm mostly building my wings on the way down (I knew there was something I should have done before jumping off, damn it!). Ah well, c'est la vie. I hope you enjoy them as much as I've had fun recording them.
Susie is the second of my poetry readings aka spoken word tracks posted on Soundcloud. Enjoy x
Saturday, 27 March 2021
Spring
Thursday, 25 March 2021
Friday, 18 December 2020
Edge Of Evening
Thursday, 17 December 2020
Snow
but when it does it’s bitterly cold
the kind of cold that blows up your jumper
and won’t leave no matter how many layers you pile on,
the kind of cold that whistles deep into your ear drums
and lays a fearsome frost on all your extremities.
chattering noisily though you can never make out
a cognizant sound never mind a word. So much chatter
but nothing to go on, nothing to ease the chilling pains.
A distant cold that will never explain itself clearly
but will insist on mustering on dolefully
making you feel as though you were to blame
for all this damn coldness freezing your fingertips
scorching your tongue on the too hot hot chocolate he gave you.
The kind of cold that watches your tears roll
and has nothing to say to them..
leaving you wondering if you truly exist
or are just a fragment of the cold’s imagination,
or your own - and who are you anyway, with or without the cold?
It starts of as just a few falling flecks
that you could easily dismiss as rain -
the ground is covered in slippery gloom and white fear settles
on the roof of your heart, your mind’s pavements
turn invisible underneath the grey slush,
and in the sorry light of a streetlamp
a torrent of frosty flakes tumbles senselessly
You turn indoors, turn away, tear your mind from ice
to less overwhelming matter, wipe away
remaining tears, find a tissue to mop up the snuffles,
blow out the whole day, inhale a breath of silence
and feel grateful that it doesn’t snow here very often.
Saturday, 12 December 2020
Twilight Robbery
Wednesday, 30 September 2020
Review: Song Of The Moon by Helen Laycock
I read this lovely little book by Helen Laycock over a wild, windy and damp caravanning trip and was readily transported away from the persistent rain to the world of Izzy and her mysterious neighbour. When Mrs Moonsong disappears, it's up to Izzy and her cousin Joe to find her.
As well as having a delightfully entrancing cover, Song Of The Moon is an engaging tale with instantly relatable characters, beautifully painted scenes, believable situations and an exciting story-line that keeps the pages turning. I'm looking forward to reading it again with my 6 year old.
View all my reviews
Saturday, 27 June 2020
Anyone But Me
Wednesday, 24 June 2020
I Do Not Accept Drinks From Disapproving Men (A Hymn)
His words hit like a bowling ball - a strike for him, nothing for me at all
Tuesday, 9 June 2020
The Room, Part 1
I am not trapped here by any supercilious, arrogant, self-righteous, ignorant or fearful man, or indeed by a patriarchal society that wishes me to remain silent and insignificant as all good women should do. Patriarchal suppression may be highly analogous of my situation, but it is not that, at least not directly that, which keeps me here.
On the screen-that-is-often-nearby, I watch Ben Whishaw play Ben Coulter, the unfortunate boy incarcerated for a crime he did not commit, or at least, we and he are fairly certain he did not do the murderous deed, but perhaps he simply cannot or will not remember what actually took place.
I find myself in similar situ, imprisoned for some deed or thought that I do not recall, and am most probably quite innocent of, and would remain so if it were not for the infernal, distinctly chiding voice that crows louder with each new dawn.
If there is always a cause for each effect as the tech-heads in Alex Garland’s DEVS proclaim, then perhaps somewhere along the pitiful line of my younger life something I did or failed to do, something I said or did not say, even perhaps a thought that entered my mind may have led to this particular set of circumstances. Perhaps a series of actions and inaction, or conversations had and silences kept, or thought processes that did or didn’t take place, allowed a portal between two (or more) multiverses to open up and one feed into another enabling this sorry state to begin to manifest itself, slowly but surely, painfully creating this extraordinary mess I find myself in.
Perhaps it was always meant to be this way, was decreed by the gods, ordained by the stars that I would one day find myself here. Perhaps it was always going to be thus, regardless of anything I said or did or didn’t say or didn’t do. Perhaps my wilful, desperate, pleading, bleeding thoughts had nothing to do with it – with this chaos. Perhaps I have no control whatsoever over this reality.
The idea of a kind of fate or destiny offers a morsel of relief and acceptance at times of depletion. Mostly, however, I find it difficult to accept this as a valid, pre-ordained fate – a particular set of circumstances chosen by the universe or multiverse or by a divine being or even by my own pre-human-self to live through. And endure. If it didn’t kill me first.
I’ve always loathed the story of Job – his endless suffering on top of suffering seems so futile and wasteful. What is or was the point of all that pain? The physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual breaking of a human life? To what end? And for what purpose?
I feel the weight of sorrows – not all my own, lying heavily upon these bony shoulders. A weight far heavier than one human, one woman ought to bear. But we do, don’t we? Women have bourne the world’s weight on our shoulders, heads, and broken backs for time immemorial just as surely as we have born the next generation and the next and the next within our cruelly despised, scorned, and suppressed bodies.
Is it any wonder I found myself on the 5 mile trudge to school at the tumultuous and torturous age of 15 or 16, crawling along the pavement, dragging grazed knees after each all consuming push forward of an elbow, first one, then the other and hope that the legs will follow along behind..
I recall reading with shock and fascination about Clara from the Heidi stories who cried so much her tears eventually dried up. Or was it Helen Keller? I’m not sure now. But I do remember the tears. The flooded years of almost constant crying. Wretched, unbidden flows. Sorrow's salty sting covering my face, falling into my lap, saturating sleeves, exercise books, pillows and endless nights. The acres and acres of heart-breaking grief. The pull and pull of gut-wrenching emotions – confused, liberally churned out, more liberally stuffed and packed deeply inside – layer upon layer of sadnesses forming an unpalatable sky-high dessert of melancholy or an impossibly tall pile of mattresses all trying unsuccessfully to protect me from the pain of that one solitary, bright-green pea. The lentil sprouting in the darkness, taking root and multiplying itself like bacterium, sending spores out through the sleeping strata. As quickly as I discovered or imagined a new layer of duplicitousness to protect me from my self, the pea spores would pick their way through each make-believe layer, each over-thought barrier designed to cushion the blow but failing badly every time, consequently trapping me with their wily wicked ways. I was stuck, like Sandra Bullock, in the web. A matrix of numbers, indecipherable digits and figures closing in on my wild nature, suppressing any semblance of free-will, tearing down any illusions of freedom and choice.
Was it always this way? Have I always been nothing more than a single digit in an endless equation? A piece of code that I will never be able to fathom? I cannot believe that, not wholeheartedly anyway. And yet, here I am. A single being, maybe only a half-being, flashing away in analogue mode, thinking that I must be making a difference, effecting some form of positive change, when all the while, the truth is that I mean nothing more than a single grain of desert sand, one miniscule drop in an ocean more vast than I could ever imagine…
Sunday, 24 May 2020
Dark Moon Rising
The end is nigh
Come sweet magic
Fly away, fly..
All the eggs are leaving their basket
Carry me away in a wicker casket
Float me gently down the stream
Merrily, merrily, this is no dream
The death of fertility comes with a sigh
No more twinkles in their fathers' eyes
And I who once was so forgiving
Bid adieu to the Queendom of Living
My grandmother's eggs and her mothers' too
Carried my patterns in prints of deep blue
She was no sucker, would take no nonsense
And yet, and yet .. the stories she told us...
In the womb the children come and go
We searched for them high and sought them low
Knew all the while that the schedule was restricted
Only those in the know, knew how to read it.
We looked to the stars and prayed for a reason
Cried for the moon, her bindings to loosen.
We hoped for a miracle, paid cash for a glimmer
Should we turn up the heat or just let it simmer?
In the womb the children come and go
We seek them high, we feel so low
My children's voices, our children's songs
Reverberate and echo through constellations.
Fiery lights that once burned bright
Can no longer hope to draw the night
And yet, I still hear their distant voice
Our cosmic ties leave me with no choice.
Now Luna turns her face from me
And I'm falling, dragged down to my knees
Pleading for another chance, just one
Before this bloody moon is gone.
An ache ripples dread around my heart
Pulls at the strings, rips soul apart
Is there any way I can have just a little more time?
Can the dream of three ever truly be mine?
My body pushes away from the spine
Pulls at the tendons and bindings divine
Tears flesh as tears fall in silent refrain
How will I ever feel whole again?
Red heat abounds, makes a deafening roar
Knows that the future can be no more
What we imagined and hoped it to be
Three and four magpies have flown from the tree.
Friday, 13 March 2020
A Harmless Lullaby
I’m scared of Mannequin.
Mannequin sighs from ‘neath red wool hat
which Daddy placed on top
to hide the two neck bolts
that sometimes look like eyes.
At night-time whilst she sleeps softMannequin comes to life
her fixed form glows
under moon enchanted,
bends and dips,
her one leg glides
‘cross bedroom floor,
bags sway like arms
in time to starry chorus
a constellation of notes work fire on dark skies
as Mannequin’s song sings soft -
‘Sleep soundly little one
There is no need to fear me
When this night is done dear one
Those night dreams will prove only
Flights of pure fancy little one
An imaginative journey
And when the moon is gone dear one
You’ll think nothing of me
A tall, silent mannequin
Single leg and no real arms
But I will watch over you little one
And keep you safe from harm.’
#VSS365 #VSSPoem 7thFeb2020
Wednesday, 26 February 2020
A Farewell To Arms
pushed towards an edge
she finds herself outside herself
listening intently
as her lips - her own lips transferred onto this other -
open
in slow
distorted
motion -
you
soon
as the world holds collective breath ..
might never before have been uttered
never before in this world ..
this collection of letters and sounds
flown in by cosmic forces
at this precise moment
to be extracted for the very first time
from human lung and throat
uttered for the very first time
by human mouth
this delicate triptych, for the very first time
is heard by human ear
laid gently, insistently, for the very first time
upon human mind and heart
recollections spin like dancing plates
hurled at break-neck speed
down the staircase, across the hall
tied together with silver string
gilded with stardust
as though they alighted here from some distant galaxy
sending soothing signals
out into the great unknown
sits alongside an air of nonchalance
perfectly juxtaposed for higher definition audio
shroud my mouth
cloak your ears
in hopeful, strange delight
sprinkled with a smatter of tense anticipation
swill each syllable inside your heart
before cautiously allowing the echo
reverberating inside your chest
to spin upwards to your throat
as your mouth on autopilot
repeats
the same
three
words
you
soon
drawn out
poignant yet forgettable disengagement
of bodies first
then arms, wrists,
hands, until finally
just two fingers remain intact
clutching tightly
until we meet again..
Friday, 24 January 2020
Edge Of The World
I suppose I ought to add a little something about this pieces's provenance just in case anyone is concerned:
Dealing with chronic pain and more than one defined ongoing illness can often, for me at least, bring up a sense of something that could be insensitively described as a vivid dose of hypochondria or, more sympathetically, as an acute awareness of death's ever reaching fingers drawing close - making it's presence felt through an increased intensity of usual symptoms with additional new strains of discomfort - a seemingly random pulsing vein here, an occasional eye twitch there and/or some unusual stomach spasms for example. Perhaps at night there is also a feverish heat emanating from the neck rising to the lower skull..
All these happenings can easily conspire to make one think about the inevitability of leaving this life and act as a reminder that the departure board can change it's details of time, destination, even mode of transport, any time it pleases. There are no guarantees and (as was made abundantly clear in the small print) any deposits made are unlikely to be refunded.
Whilst it is seldom enjoyable to ponder these things for any extended period of time, I feel sure that acknowledging the existence and inevitability of death is a healthier way to live than denial and pretence.. Perhaps..
Maybe this is all subjective. Besides, my intention was to explain that Edge Of The World is a poem that comes from this kind of pondering rather than any desire to deliberately accelerate the process or indeed charter one's own private train to Elsewhere. I hear cancellations and delays are forecast anyway..
Until next time, may your days be filled with love & kindnesses :) xx
Wednesday, 1 January 2020
And To Make An End...
...For last year's words belong to last year's languageFor those of us who tend to over-think almost everything, have an inbuilt obsession with attaining an unattainable perfection, and seem hell-bent on criticising every aspect of our tortured selves on a regular basis, the end of a year can feel like an impossibly difficult time.
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning...
T.S. Eliot
The expectation that everything will and should change for the better, is difficult to avoid. The predilection for ruminating on the past year's 'failures' and less than successful projects and relationships is rife and often overwhelming. As Charlotte Carpenter so succinctly puts it in her beautiful song Another Year - "...this trip around the sun, it ain't easy..."
I watch myself going through all these fears, disappointments and anxieties year after year and only seem to add to the chaotic mix of chemical imbalances by attempting to stop feeling the feelings that cause such pain but ultimately cannot be undone by undoing.
Having, by no small miracle, begun to put into practice the probably life-long lesson of allowing feelings - whether they feel helpful or less so - to flow through unhindered throughout this past year, I imagined that this year end would be less painful than the previous. Yet despite putting mental, emotional and situational safety barriers in place, I've found the crossover from 2019 to 2020 just as exhausting and full of disappointment with myself, one or two unfortunate others and with life itself.
Putting the past behind us as Eliot suggests in the wonderful quote above (and elsewhere in his Four Quartets piece), is no easy task and takes huge amounts of courage and trust in the eternal process of change.
The idea of calling an end to one way of being and thereby allowing a new way to come forth, however, is very appealing and resonates loudly in my soul. Thus, I have allowed myself the miserable luxury of spending the day (and much of the previous night) immersed in all the sadness that came skulking out of the new year woodwork, ruminating over unhelpful thoughts and disappointments whilst simultaneously attempting to employ the art of observing feelings without too much judgement.
It's been a long day but I feel ready to make an end and let the beginning roll in. I hope you do too.. x
P.S. The following extract from Burnt Norton, Part 1 of Eliot's Four Quartets (perhaps not intentionally) sums up the feelings of fear and anxiety that, perhaps necessarily, hang over this time of year poignantly. I also like how it (definitely unintentionally) evokes the Twittersphere quite beautifully.
Time before and time after
In a dim light: neither daylight
Investing form with lucid stillness
Turning shadow into transient beauty
With slow rotation suggesting permanence
Nor darkness to purify the soul
Emptying the sensual with deprivation
Cleansing affection from the temporal.
Neither plenitude nor vacancy. Only a flicker
Over the strained time-ridden faces
Distracted from distraction by distraction
Filled with fancies and empty of meaning
Tumid apathy with no concentration
Men and bits of paper, whirled by the cold wind
That blows before and after time,
Wind in and out of unwholesome lungs
Time before and time after.
Eructation of unhealthy souls
Into the faded air, the torpid
Driven on the wind that sweeps the gloomy hills of London,
Hampstead and Clerkenwell, Campden and Putney,
Highgate, Primrose and Ludgate. Not here
Not here the darkness, in this twittering world...













